Near the end of June, 2003, I had recently completed reading Robert Anton Wilson’s book Cosmic Trigger I. I became intrigued by the mystery of Sirius and began researching any and all connections I could find. Mostly, this took the form of esoteric symbolism but also various myths, legends, and supposedly modern discoveries. While I will not go into the mystery of Sirius here, I do encourage anyone interested to take up this search on their own and make up their own minds as to its meaning. The relevance of its mention here is that this quest took me on a journey that ended in what I considered an illogical conclusion, though it was acquired through logical means. Thus, I experienced a sort of logical breakdown in which I could not solve a puzzle who’s answer seemed impossible to me based on what I had come to believe in my life as I was very much grounded in logic, psychology, science, and other more material thinking. There was a moment when I not only thought but literally stated to my wife, “I feel like I’m losing my mind”, and that must have signaled something because what happened next remains to this day, at least in part, incomprehensible.

What I experienced was initially somewhat like someone who’s been in the hot sun for too long and their vision begins to ‘tunnel’ only I was indoors, cool, and did not feel any of the bodily effects of nausea nor dizziness. I felt perfectly healthy and normal except that I saw, literally, in front of me, while still being able to see the room around me, a vision that showed me the non-duality of Existence. I will attempt to describe it for you here though it defies description. What I saw looked similar to a blazing sun only it was more black in color than anything. It also had a sort of iris, which made it look much like an eye. The ‘flames’ looked like tiny replicas of the larger image I was seeing. This signaled a sort of paradox for I knew in my awareness that each aspect of the image was in fact composed of the whole. While I cannot relate every detail, the relevance mostly had to do with the illusion of dualism. There were many other things gleaned from the experience that were more personal in nature but the aspects that were not related to the very nature of “reality” itself, which suggested a sort of holistic quantum composition. When this took place, I suddenly realized that I would comprehend such things as Hermetic Philosophy and Egyptian mysticism, things I had exposed myself to previously but not only could not comprehend but reading about them gave me headaches making the attempt impossible. After this experience, I could read them easily enough and comprehend their meaning. Possibly not much a feat for some but for me this was profound. Unfortunately, while it gave me more answers than I knew to ask, it also left me with many more questions as yet unanswered. More than anything, I realized that logic cannot answer everything and what we have accepted as material reality is only but the surface of our true nature. I also knew without a doubt that day, that we are all eternal in nature and that we are all divine.