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I. Outside the Body

Posted in: by Moon Elf on August 09, 2009

My story begins when I was just five years old and living in Virginia Beach, Virginia around 1973. I would likely not remember anything from such a young age if it were not for the strangeness of the events I am about to tell. We lived in a very small neighborhood at the end of a ‘T’ intersection. Our house sat in the middle of the top of the ‘T’ facing the street which made the leg of the letter, facing north. I remember that my brother, three years older than myself, slept in a bunk bed above me. On his dresser he had some models of Universal Monsters. I specifically remember the Wolf man which was his favorite, and Dracula in the form of Bela Lugosi which was mine. I use to stare at the figure of Bela when I went to sleep at night and often the open closet door, in which tops hung above bottoms with shoes on the floor, which use to frighten me because I could easily imagine a burglar standing in the dark. It is likely that somehow these trivial things may have had a subconscious effect on me but they may also be completely unrelated. However, during this time I often remember going to bed at night feeling like someone hidden was watching me and waiting for me to fall asleep. Like most children, the closet and under the bed were the two things I’d check before closing my eyes but I also sometimes felt like someone was hiding outside just under the window sill of my room.

The most profound experience of this time period, and probably to be of my life in general, was that I use to wake up in the middle of the night hovering in my room looking at my sleeping body in bed. I would usually awaken across the room, often very near the ceiling, staring at my prone form. Once, I even remember feeling myself bumping into the ceiling which is what brought me to consciousness. Needless to say, this was very shocking and frightening at first. The first several times this took place, I would become very afraid wondering what had happened to me and how I had gotten outside my body and would then ‘snap’ back into my body very quickly. I’d usually wake up immediately afterward and wonder if I was dreaming or if it had really happened. As I considered these events, I became puzzled as to how I even knew how to get back into my body once out. Upon such contemplation, I found it difficult to work myself back in by body again, probably because I was thinking about it logically and not just doing it naturally, or so it seemed. Initially, panic set in and I feared I would be trapped outside my own body never to get back in. Eventually, I calmed down and relaxed and it seemed like nature took over logic and I found myself waking up back inside my body again. One night, I decided to make a conscious choice to stay out a bit longer and explore the world from this new perspective. I remember looking out my bedroom window and seeing a lot of humanoid forms, seemingly in various period clothing and glowing an odd green or blue mostly, wandering around my neighborhood. I couldn’t make sense of what they were doing, it all seemed too random and chaotic, a jumbled mess. Mostly, I remember seeing a man helping a woman into a horse pulled carriage. I was afraid of leaving my home and being seen by them, having no idea what they might do, so I simply went back to bed.

On many occasions, after returning to my body, I would awaken later in the night with an uncomfortable feeling in my chest which reminded me of the few times my brother and I got into arguments and he sat on me. He was sound asleep in the bunk above me so I knew that this was not the cause of my discomfort. When this would happen, the only thing I could do to abate it was to simply relax and breathe deeply to regain a sense of normality. Sometimes, I’d get up and get a sip of water to get myself feeling more comfortable. I think the short walk and briefly waking myself helped restore my circulation and thus my overall comfort more than the water though. I also remember having a fear that my autonomic systems might stop after I fell asleep during this time. This could also have been part of my anxiety. It was an irrational fear that I would ‘forget’ to breathe or my heart would stop beating when I’d go to sleep because I was no longer thinking about them. I simply attributed these feelings to some form of anxiety or panic attack mostly as a result of having found myself floating in my room like a ghost outside of my body but also probably just part of the slow development of the mind as one gets older and becomes more aware of their own body and environment.

Eventually, these seemingly random occurrences of being disembodied became coupled by dreams of an adult male spirit who would try to explain to me about various lives in ancient Europe near the area of Rome. His approach always seemed frantic and somewhat desperate. He was very excitable and often angry at the Romans and the Church. He appeared to me as an older German male in his forties or fifties but there was no way of knowing his true age as the dreams seemed to be related to his own past lives as a Norse tribesman, a barbarian. He revealed a sequence of lives to me in such a way that I would dream being each of them for a short duration. This was often confusing and I often could not tell if this was a past life of my own or one of his nor if maybe we knew each other back in that time period. It seemed that there was at least one life that he showed me in which he and I were both Norse tribesmen fighting against the Romans. The dreams would shift back and forth between a life and his ranting and another life. Each of these lives were Germanic men in a Norse tribe, some Roman citizens but most not. The only Roman citizens in these dreams were Germans who were converted to such a status, often hiding their true belief systems in favor of pretending to be Christian for the sake of survival and citizenship. While I admittedly knew nothing about the history of this region or time at the age of the dreams, I could get some general comprehension about the context from them. The way I remember it seems as if I was temporarily wise beyond my years during these experiences only to find myself in a five year old body trying to figure it all out gain. It was very confusion and disorienting. However, it would not be until I was in my mid-twenties that I’d actually begin studying this time period and its people. Most of what was related had to do with the initial encounters between the tribes and the Romans, various skirmishes, and eventually trading and more battles. While mostly dealing with simple human differences which set them at odds, things eventually became fairly political and in time religion was a major issue as well. Some of the Norsemen who became Romans still practiced their “pagan” faith in secrecy while displaying images of Christianity in public. Others remained on the outskirts of this civilization refusing to ever give up their pride and continued the battles, often overcoming great odds.

The dreams also followed some tribesmen, possibly in different Germanic tribes, to various regions. It seemed that there was a visit at least with the French, possibly Merovingian from my studies later in life, and some which went to the Celtic Isles or at least the northern part of Europe near them. While I have not been able to confirm historically the Celtic/Norse encounter, the dreams suggested that a small group of each initially fought upon meeting. However, over time they banded together in realization of the similarities of their own religious beliefs forming one mixed clan/tribe. Later in the dreams, the leader of the Norsemen traveled a great distance to meet with a monk of some sort who recorded information regarding his history and religious beliefs. It seemed obvious to both that it would soon be in jeopardy. Also, the collective tribe had banded together probably for the main purpose of fending themselves from Roman soldiers and later Christian knights. This seemed to relate to the time period of Charlemagne and the Christianization of Europe. In my search for historic references, I came across Tacitus’ Germania, however this does not seem to fit information recorded by the monk in my dreams. All of these dreams were accompanied by the narrations of the German man and fueled with his vehement anger toward the Romans and their religion. He even made claim that their religion had stolen magic from his people but that he was one of the few left who still knew its secrets.

There was only one dream during this time about Germans in general that seemed far removed from the rest of them as it took place in a much later time period. It seemed to take place after the Third Reich and I only recognized the uniforms in the dream later by watching TV. However, in the dream I was a man who had a friend who was a high ranking Nazi officer. While looking for something, I know not what, he stumbled upon a room which seemed to have the remains of some form of ritual performance. There was a sacrificed animal and blood as well as something that the man in the dream recognized that gave him a serious fright. I cannot remember exactly what that was now but it suggested to him that his friend was involved in some dark occult with his fellow officers and they were in league with some other group that he felt was something very evil and frightening. After this discovery, he feared for his life and began to simply run away, leaving the city and eventually the country. During his escape, he kept seeing humanoid beings wearing dark cloaks and having red eyes in the shadows following him. He seemed to know what they were but I did not, I was only witnessing through his eyes and feeling his emotions but I could not think his thoughts exactly. The cloaked figures chased him to somewhere in England, possibly London. Whatever they were, they seemed to be spirits of some type and they were associated with the ritual he’d discovered. While I realize how sensational this sounds, I myself often wondered how my five year old mind could have made up such an elaborate scenario, especially since I was not knowledgeable about historic events to connect any groups with anything. I often assumed that maybe I’d seen something on television about Nazi Germany and it made me feel they were evil and thus the unusual dream. Unfortunately, I really do not know for sure to this day why I dreamt this.

The most unusual thing about all of these dreams with the German man and the various lives experienced within them was that every part of this felt like very real events and not like dreams at all. Unfortunately, I was often confused thinking I was remembering a past life and could not tell if I was only experiencing the past life of the German man instead. I never considered these as just dreams at the time and only did when I was older for the sake of sanity I think. Additionally, the German man seemed to be trying to convince me of something, to make a deal of some sort, and I often wondered if he was trying to take my body. He often claimed he could teach me many things about life, the universe, and magic that my parents never would be able to. Being unsure of his intentions, I was unsure if I could trust him. Due to the extreme circumstances related to him, I was also fearful of losing my life, or at least control of my body. I also questioned if any of this was real and if there was something wrong with me or my brain since I’d never heard anyone else talk about such things. My parents were very conservative and the majority of learning from my mother involved my reading children’s bible stories to her. My father was in the United States Navy and was almost never home. This German man seemed sincere enough but it was all so bizarre I was unsure of what to think. So, one day I approached my mother to see if she could help me. I believed that an adult would know more about these things and be able to help me. I also considered my mother a spiritual person since she spoke of God and angels. I was about to have my first lesson in ignorance and fundamentalism. When I told her about leaving my body, still afraid to mention the man in my dreams because I thought she might misunderstand and think that a physical man was coming into my room at night, she responded very fearfully and sternly. She got very scared and told me to pray to God to make the Devil stop pushing me out of my body. She said that I belonged in my body and that if the Devil was pushing me out he probably wanted to take my body and do bad things with it, maybe even hurt my family. I had not even considered this a possibility but the presence of the man in my dreams did make me wonder. While I knew that she could not fully understand my situation, since I’d not told the entire story, I did become very fearful that she might be correct. I honestly had no idea what was happening to me nor why. My mother also told me not to speak to anyone about it because they would think I was crazy and would ridicule me or worse lock me up. I know that at least on that one point she was correct and thus I learnt to not speak of such things to anyone. Her own fearful reaction worried me so holding my tongue about such things seemed the best choice at the time.

During this time, one night remains imprinted in my memory most of all. On that night, I again woke up hovering in my room. There was something different this time. I’m not sure if it was that I was becoming use the idea of finding myself in this unusual position or just curiosity. However, I decided I would take a short trip and pay a visit to my then best friend at the end of the neighborhood block. Once I decided to exit my room, I found myself flying through the closed window of my bedroom. I have no idea how I did it, only that it seemed perfectly natural. I went out into the night and went upward near the roof of our house. I was excited that I could fly but did not feel safe enough yet to test the boundaries too far. I feared that something could happen and I might loose control in mid-flight and come tumbling down. I also noticed a very thin shining filament coming from somewhere in my midsection and extending into the room toward my prone body. I could not see the entire path of the strand as like a spider’s web in the moonlight it also disappeared and was only visible in some places. Over the top of my roof and very far away toward the back I saw a tiny flash of light, like a star winking. Something inside me told me it was related to a future mate. I was curious who she was and wanted to go at once to find out but the same ‘something’ told me that I could not because she was not born yet and thus would not be there when I arrived. Oddly, the house faced north and so the light would have been in a generally southern direction, where I currently reside with my wife and child at the time of this writing. It is something I’ve often wondered about and most of my life I didn’t remember the direction our house faced until finding out very recently from a childhood friend who came to visit my sister. Whether the seeming association is true or not I cannot say but it has at least been an interesting point of curiosity.

Realizing I could not pursue this issue at that moment however, I went off to my friend’s house instead. Going to his house was easy. I simply floated there, flying through the air. I wondered if anyone could see me and what it might look like to anyone who woke up in the night, seeing me flying across their yard like a ghost. So I made an effort to make myself invisible to the naked eye. That same ‘something’ in my head told me that this was unnecessary and that I could not currently be seen. Within a very short time I arrived at my friend’s house. I stood on his porch as if to knock on his door wondering how I should enter and what might or might not be appropriate. The family was asleep after all and since I did not have my body, I could not knock anyway. I’m sure it was also very late, probably past midnight at least. It was probably between two and five in the morning. Realizing I had passed through my window easily enough, I considered doing the same to the door. While inspecting the door and trying to analyze my possibilities, I noticed a red light on the wall. It was inside the home on the other side of the wall. If I were in my body I would not have been able to see it, however I have likely noticed it without realizing it many times while visiting my friend to play. It seemed to be associated with a white box of sorts and to possibly be connected to the alarm system. While I felt it was not necessary, due to my not having a physical form, I decided to turn it ‘off’ just in case. This was done simply by thinking about it, and the light went off. I then passed through the closed door and into my friend’s home. When I stood inside, I realized I had somehow gained substance and had some solidification to my form. Not expecting this sudden change, I stumbled a bit and bumped a vase off the bottom shelf that they had on the wall just in the entryway build from bricks and boards. The bricks were the large grey type with two large square holes in them. They had various odd decorative items displayed here. The vase hit the floor and broke. I paused, waiting to see if anyone in the house had awoken and heard the sound but there was no movement and complete silence. Mentally sighing in relief, I realized I’d better do what I can to repair the situation. Without any effort, the thought must have caused a short chain of events. The pieces of pottery began to lift off the ground and recompose themselves, like watching a film of its breaking in reverse. When this started to happen I was startled yet again and I had a subtle thought to stop it but realizing that it was repairing I focused on the place the vase was standing prior to falling as it went back into place. Once the vase was intact and replaced, I noticed a small crack near the mouth of it. I realized that my stunned hesitation may have caused the imperfection. My first thought was that maybe I should seal it but then I considered that I’d leave it instead. I decided to leave the crack so that I could come back to visit my friend the next day and check the vase and see if it was the same as it is now or not. I thought this might prove to myself that this was in fact real and not a dream. I didn’t realize that this too could have been something that I might have noticed subconsciously while visiting, though I did think it later while trying to rationalize this experience over the years.

I still wanted to see my friend so I began to head toward the hallway. Once I was looking down it, I noticed another white box with a red light on it. However, this time I felt that this one was not worth spending time on so I left it alone. Later, I found out this was the smoke alarm. I slowly made my way down the hall to my friend’s bedroom. I was going slow and being cautious since I was unfamiliar with my own form and had already had one problem. I was afraid of making another mistake and waking the house. I got to his room and found him asleep in bed. He was shivering from cold though he was wearing long pajamas. He must have kicked the covers off of him while sleeping so I reached for the comforter and pulled it up to his chin. When I did so he began to stir. I quickly stepped to the foot of his bed and stood perfectly still. He opened his eyes and said my name, looking right at me. I realized he must be able to see me and that I must have maintained some of the physicality I’d felt after entering the house. I quickly focused on making myself less solid and invisible. I felt myself lose mass and weight. He blinked a few times, rubbed his eyes, then turned over and grabbed the top of the comforter to cover himself almost completely with only the top of his head sticking out and went back to sleep. I decided that I should probably get out of there quickly and head back to my own house and my waiting body. I feared that my body might come to harm or that something might happen while I was not in it. I initially headed toward his window and was going to exit his bedroom as I’d done my own. Then I remembered the red light at the front door. I should probably turn it back on to keep his family safe. So, I went back through the hallway and into the front room. I looked at the vase again and analyzed the crack. I wanted to be sure I knew exactly what it looked like to try to confirm this experience in the morning. I went back to the front door. I looked at the white box and turned the light on, focused on the door and passed through it knowing that I had turned it off unnecessarily. I was feeling more confident about the mishap with becoming material and was able to maintain an intangible state easily enough. I then headed back to my own bedroom window flying easily down the one half street block.

When I arrived at my bedroom window, I began to pass through it to get back into my room and then my body. I was only about halfway through the window when I saw a humanoid shadow trying to put its foot into the head of my body. I felt panic and found myself trapped, stuck in the window. It was as if the window had become my body, therefore I could no longer simply slide through it. The window began to heat rapidly and I saw a faint red glow around it. I was afraid I was going to be eternally stuck as a living window without being able to tell anyone what had happened nor find help. I even remember thinking that everyone would think I was dead and would come to see and collect my body but I’d be stuck helplessly in the window unable to tell them that if I could just get out I could be alive again. I also was afraid that since the window felt like it was my body that I could actually hurt myself by trying too hard to pull myself out of the window frame and possibly actually kill myself in the process. These were very quick thoughts and my attention returned to the shadow in the room. For some unknown reason it had hesitated, one foot still standing in my body’s head. It was staring at me, watching and waiting, probably to see what silly thing I might do next. Since it was not moving, I even considered that it was really just a shadow of light and was not a living being at all, that I’d somehow tricked myself into this fright. That was when I saw its head move slightly and two quick flashes of reddish light where its eyes should have been. I did not know what to do. I was frightened beyond belief and began thinking how stupid it was for me to have left my body alone and vulnerable like that. Not knowing what else to do and remembering my mother’s words, I shouted the best I could at the shadow in a voice that if it had physical form would also be in tears. I yelled, “in the name of Jesus, go away! You can’t have my body. It’s mine and doesn’t belong to you”. Strangely enough, the figure very quickly took its right foot out of my body’s head and fled out the bedroom door and through the walls of the house. I don’t know how long I stayed in that window, still trapped, but it seemed an eternity. When I could no longer feel the presence of the being and had finally calmed down, I felt the glass of the window cool back to its normal temperature. Only then was I able to slowly slide through it and enter my room. I stood and looked at my body thinking I should be more careful, realizing that there were others ‘out there’ as well. I climbed back into my body with some difficulty. It seemed tricky trying to figure out how to get back in. It was probably because I was frightened. I kept trying to just put my feet in the middle and slide down but that didn’t work. Eventually, it was accomplished by going feet first into the head with a bit of wriggling. I don’t remember dreaming afterward that night and woke up to the dawn which seemed only minutes after.

That morning I asked my mom to go to my friend’s house. I had to wait a while until my mom thought it was not too early to visit. When I got to his house, he answered the door in his pajamas, the same ones I’d seen the night before, and lead me into the living room in front of the television where he was watching cartoons and eating cereal. He was on the couch and I was sitting on the floor in front, afraid to make eye contact. I didn’t know what I was going to say or how I was going to ask him about it since he had seen me. Usually, we were very talkative but this morning it was mostly silence. After several moments, he asked me if I’d come into his room last night. I was very nervous when I replied and was trying to hide my fear. I simply responded, “Why do you ask”? That’s when he told me that he’d dreamt that he’d seen me in his room the night before. I asked him about his dream and he said that he had dreamt that he’d awakened cold and saw me standing at the foot of his bed. He even said that he had said my name and that I’d disappeared. That’s when he realized neither of us were dreaming. I just about freaked. This was way more convincing than any vase could be. I’d forgotten about the vase. I was convinced it was real and I had to tell somebody. I needed somebody to believe me and felt upset that my mother didn’t seem to take me seriously even though she’d told me about demons. I decided to tell him what had happened. However, when I got to the part about coming through his front door heading down the hallway, his mother called him into the kitchen. This was no casual call either. She was angry and using all three of his given names. I looked at him with worry and concern, as any kid would when their best friend gets into trouble and I was also concerned that I’d get sent home because he’d be punished and have to wait until another day to find out if he believed me or not. I then overheard her yelling at him asking if he’d broken her vase. The kitchen was between the living room and the hallway with the front door and dining area in front of the kitchen. I became very nervous when I heard his mom yelling at him and him telling her he had not broken it. She began accusing him of lying so I ran to the kitchen and asked to see the vase. His mother handed it to me with a puzzled look on her face. My friend looked at me questioningly as if to say, “Well, is it the same?”? I stared into his eyes for longer than I probably should out of uncertainty and shock and he nodded toward the vase as if to say, “look at it”. I did. I nearly dropped the vase when I saw it, my friend’s hands reaching quickly below mine to catch it. He took it from me and I must have gone stark white because his mother really gave me an odd yet concerned look then. She asked me, “Did you do it”? My response must have confused her even more because all I said was, “I don’t know”. I was completely out of sorts then. My friend escorted me quickly back to the living room and asked me simply, “was it the same”? My answer was even simpler, “yes”. Not another word was spoken about the event between any of us after that. I could only assume that he did not feel comfortable asking questions or that he didn’t know what to ask. For a couple weeks after that event, he even stopped asking me over to play but I kept going to visit. Finally, he came out and we had fun like previous times and things reverted back to ‘normal’. I can only guess that he was pressed to explain to his mother but she never asked me about it either. Needless to say, I wanted to talk about it and wished they would ask but felt very uncomfortable bringing it up so I didn’t. I was afraid of them thinking I was either crazy or that I had some evil spirit, based on what my own mother had warned me about. I thought for sure I’d be ostracized and given my friend’s initial reaction that seemed to be the case. Needless to say, I was very scared at this point.

I didn’t have any other out of body adventures after that. Instead, if I woke up floating in my room again I quickly went back into my body and tried to wake up. I would awaken in my room searching for the shadow, probably hiding in my closet. Once I thought I even saw the dim glow of eyes but that could have been a paranoid hallucination. I was frightened out of my wits from the experience which overrode any elation I might have felt from the extrasensory abilities I had seemed to have such as flying, passing through walls, and the ability to manipulate objects with the mind. Within a few short weeks these experiences stopped altogether.

When I was ten years old and living in Gautier, Mississippi around 1978 it happened again. We were living in a new home in a new housing development near a campground where I spent most of my time during the summer. It was either the end of the summer or the beginning of school. I found myself floating in our bedroom looking at the bunk beds my brother and I slept in. There was one window in the room near the foot of our bed which led to our back yard. Beyond that was the back yard of the only friend I had in the neighborhood so far. Farther beyond that was the camp ground. I thought it might be fun to go and see what was going on at the camp this late at night since I was not allowed out at this time. So, I flew through the window and beyond the end of our yard. I was in my friend’s back yard when I remembered the shadow. I turned back toward my house and looked. I couldn’t see anything but our window and I could barely make out my face in the dim light in bed. I wondered if there was some way I could shield or protect my body from harm while I was away but didn’t know how to do it. I imagined an invisible sphere around mine and my brother’s beds. I did not feel confident enough that that would actually work. What if the shadow came back? Worse yet, what if the shadow or someone else with more experience than I, which wouldn’t take much, came back and could do things I couldn’t even dream of? After all, I had done some amazing things that last time and I could not imagine what might be possible that others might do to me or with my body if I left it unattended. I felt like I’d left my house unlocked and anyone could come in. Out of sheer fright I went back into my room, into my body, and began to plead with whatever god might listen. I was even afraid that some evil spirit or even a deceased psychopath might steal my body and harm my family. They could have killed them and simply left and when I returned to my body I’d be the one to pay for their crime. I was quickly losing control of my fear. I prayed to my mother’s god and to the moon goddess, which I’ll explain shortly, that I never fall out of my body. I asked them to protect me and to lock me inside my body and hide the key from me so that I could not even beg to get out should I change my mind. I was very unsure if anyone was listening and I didn’t really believe in my mother’s god then but I was scared and it seemed that maybe she was right. After all, it was her phrase, “in the name of Jesus” that had frightened the shadow away last time, or so I thought. I did feel a presence, a feminine presence that I had no name for. She must have done as I’d asked because I not only felt a calm come over me and a feeling of warmth and comfort but I also never had another out of body experience again.

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